Breakup on E.V. Drive

*I would like to start this off by saying that I am writing this because writing has always been very therapeutic for me. This is my journey and I am doing the best that I can with what I’ve got. I am not trying to place blame on anyone. This is my side of the story. These are my emotions.

**This was written about a month ago. I wanted to post it to show how much progress I think I have made but also to remind myself of where I was just a little bit ago. It has been edited just a little bit, but most of it remains true to the original emotions that I was experiencing.

2022 was an interesting year for me. A year that I thought could not go wrong in any way went wrong in so many ways. Half of the year, I was at my happiest. The happiest I had ever been. But a lot happened in August that changed that. I got my heart broken. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up. It was my first relationship and it only lasted a year, but it was a year where I was extremely happy. I was in love. And it hurt when it was over. It hurt(s) really really bad.

The breakup put me in a negative place that I haven’t been in a really long time. And to be completely honest, it was a very large struggle. My depression and anxiety took a turn for the worst. There were so many things that I now had to worry about that I didn’t even think about when I was in a relationship. The breakup hit me hard. I had and, sometimes still do, have difficulty eating. Sometimes I will eat and it just won’t sit well with me, so I throw it all up. I had a really hard time getting out of bed. I was barely sleeping and any sleep that I did get was haunted by memories of us or nightmares, both which made me wake up crying. I have felt so many different things the last month.

I have always struggled with depression, but the breakup was making it so much worse. I had been able to be stronger than it for so many years. But I was letting it get the better of me because I had my heart broken. I let myself think the worst things about myself. I felt worthless. I felt alone and lonely. I was so sad all of the time. I was heartbroken. I was and still am scared that no one will ever love me again. And I’m scared to even let anyone love me again. To feel like no one ever fights for you is one of the worst feelings. I had all of these thoughts roaming around in my head for weeks. I went to school and to church and I talked with people and hung out with friends. But as soon as I was alone, the thoughts consumed me. I am not saying any of this to say that it is anyone’s fault or place blame on my ex in a situation where he doesn’t deserve it. It is just how I felt after the breakup. Breakups hurt you in ways you never thought you could hurt.

Heartbreak is hard in so many ways. You plan a life with your significant other. You make plans for the future and you share things with them that you wouldn’t share with others. They get to know all of you – the good parts and the bad. You are in love. You get to kiss them and hold them. You get told “I love you” in a romantic way every single day. You share memories that you can’t just forget; you can’t just throw them in the trash and never see them again. The memories live with you forever. I don’t regret any of the time I spent with him. I don’t regret falling in love with him. I don’t regret anything with him. I just wish I was still with him and that we could have worked through this. I wish it was easier to move on, or that I could suddenly wake up with amnesia and forget all of the memories that we share just so it can stop hurting me. Because it hurts so much.

Moving on is a hard thing to do. Especially when you loved someone so deeply. It is made a much easier experience when you have friends and family backing you up. I am very fortunate to have friends and family that have been by my side for all of this. I don’t know the exact saying but there is a saying that basically says something along the lines of seeing the truth when the glasses come off. Again, not the exact saying, but it is roughly that. The glasses coming off after the breakup has been an interesting experience. I have learned more about myself and my relationship than I thought I could learn. And sometimes learning these things will hurt. I am not great at taking criticism but it is something that I’ve had to learn to take and I have had to learn how to take a look at my own mistakes and recognize them as mistakes. I can’t change him or make him see anything my way and I have to realize that it doesn’t matter anymore. But sometimes you have to get hurt to move on, to realize you own self-worth, to recognize the faults so that you can work on it and do better in the future, to become the best version of yourself that you can be. Absolutely demand the best from yourself and for yourself. And maybe talk to your friends and see what they think about the choices you’ve made during and after the relationship. They only want what is best for you. And sometimes it is nice to just talk to another person about everything.

For me, moving on has and will continue to be a process. One of the biggest parts of that process is being in therapy. I chose to go to therapy after the breakup for many reasons. I learned a lot about myself from this relationship. There are things I want to work on. I want to be the best version of myself that I can be. But I also wanted to get help for my anxiety and depression. I wanted help healing from this breakup and, knowing that I am really bad at communication, I put myself in the position where I am forced to discuss what is going on in my life. Therapy has been really good for me. I am also doing so many other and new things. I am graduating this year with a Bachelor’s degree in English and next year I will get my teaching degree. I have been spending so much time with my friends and have made some new friends that I am so grateful for.

I was single for most of my life – 19 years. And I know that somewhere in that time period I was happy with myself and being not in a relationship. I’m trying to find her again. I don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. When I was in the relationship, I was so happy – so so happy. And he helped me see the beauty in the things around me. And when I was with him, I felt loved in a way that I had never been loved before. Now that he’s gone, I am terrified that no one will love me (in a romantic way) again, absolutely scared out of my mind. Because in my 21 years of life, he was the only one who ever loved me like that. But I need to be alone for a while. I need to find happiness in myself. I need to work on myself.

I am not ok, but that is ok.

I am hurting, but that’s ok.

I don’t know the answers to anything (and as much anxiety as that causes me), that’s ok.

I am grateful for the relationship and what I have learned from it. I love him and I probably always will, because I know that this could’ve been it for us. I appreciate the relationship and maybe one day I will be able to look back on it fondly. It hurts too much to do that right now, but one day…

Anxiety

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” 

Corrie Ten Boom

So… anxiety. I have known about my anxiety since I was in middle school. It started with just school stuff – taking all honors classes and freaking out about the workload. And slowly it turned into more. It was overthinking about every little thing. It was anxiety about everything that was happening and even things that weren’t happening.

I was having anxiety and panic attacks almost everyday and I was not dealing with it well at all, because I didn’t know how to deal with it. This was brand new to me. Middle and high school were kind of messy when it came to my anxiety, but I was slowly (very slowly) working on it. College came along and it was a whole new world. But for the first time, I felt like I was in complete control of my anxiety. Of course there were still times where I had anxiety – midterms and finals. But I wasn’t having panic attacks everyday. I wasn’t even having them once a week. It would happen maybe every couple of months and it was great. I felt in control and feeling in control of things makes my anxiety even better. And honestly, as an introvert, the pandemic really helped with my anxiety. I was in control. I wasn’t pushed out of my comfort zone. I was good.

I had a little bit of anxiety when I was starting my first relationship. But it went away so quickly. I felt good. I felt confident for the first time in a while. He made me so happy. And there was still anxiety but it almost never had anything to do with him and for the most part, I would say that it was manageable.

And then there was the breakup… and that messed up so many things.

Since my breakup, it feels like I reverted to my middle school ways. I have anxiety about everything. I overthink everything. I have been going to therapy and trying to work on it, and there have been a lot of helpful tips. But there is still so much about my anxiety that I don’t know how to handle anymore. I am constantly worried about what people are saying behind my back. I am worried about what will happen in the future. What if I really don’t find love again? What if I am destined to live alone? What if no one falls in love with me again? I am constantly worried that I am letting people down because I am not moving on fast enough. I am worried that I am letting people down by just not having much hope left. I even worried about even writing and publishing this because I was so nervous about how it would make me look.

It is a really hard time for me right now. And I have been going to therapy and I am working on it. But I never realized how much breakups affect you. In high school, I thought my friends were being just a little bit dramatic. And having never had been in a relationship, there was nothing I could even compare to that feeling. So I gave my friends crappy advice about how to move on and looking back on it now, I would have been so mad at my past self for the “advice” I gave to them.

I get anxiety when I see him because of the constant battle between my head and my heart. I get anxiety when I see him because of how affected I am by this change. I get anxiety when I see him because of all my inner panicked thoughts. There’s a lot that I think about that doesn’t need to be said because I don’t need to talk about him like that. The point is just how awful my anxiety has gotten. I cry every single day. Actually, definitely more than once a day but that’s not the point. I don’t get a whole lot of sleep anymore because I wake up in the middle of the night crying from anxiety that are caused by nightmares of him.

I think, and so does my therapist, that the reason for all this anxiety is really just not knowing how to deal with a breakup. And on top of that I was diagnosed with an adjustment disorder. Essentially this mean that I have an emotional or behavioral reaction to a stressful event or change in a person’s life. Let’s dumb it down a whole lot and just say that I really really hate change and it causes me so much anxiety that it affects me more than it does people without an adjustment disorder.

I am also a planner. I plan things. I planned a future with someone and then it disappeared overnight. Actually it disappeared after a 5 hour conversation about whether or not we should break up (which I clearly lost). And it wasn’t just me. We were planning a future together and then it all changed. I’ll never really understand why we broke up. Like, yes, I know why we broke up. But I don’t understand why I wasn’t worth fighting for while I figured things out. And that also causes me anxiety. So really, I am just a giant ball of anxiety.

I don’t think I have ever been this anxious in my life. I don’t think I have ever really freaked out like this. Everything gives me anxiety. Because of all this anxiety, I have had to make a lot of life changes, which doesn’t go great with the adjustment disorder. Let me make this super clear – I LOVE my church. I love my pastor and everything that he preaches and I love being a part of the worship team and it always makes me feel so connected to God. But as for right now, I cannot be there with him. I can’t keep looking at him when I haven’t moved on from him yet and know that he doesn’t want to be with me at all. I don’t think he ever wants to speak to me again. And I can pretend like that doesn’t hurt and I don’t care, but it does and I do. The thought of him actually wanting to talk to me right now is even more anxiety inducing though. I don’t know what he thinks anymore. We’re not in a relationship and that hurts. But it also comes with the unknown territory of not knowing him anymore. We’re not friends. We don’t talk. And all of that causes me so much anxiety. But the alternative would also cause me anxiety. Like, seriously, pick one. This is why I have been considering changing churches. It has absolutely nothing to do with the church, in fact, I would love nothing more than to stay at Converge for a very long time. But for once in my life, I have to put myself first, and I have to put my mental health first.

I don’t know what is going to happen (As we have discussed, this causes me anxiety), but I know how I feel. I want nothing more than to turn back time and fix everything, but I can’t do that. And even if I could, I don’t even know if that is what he would want. But I need to make changes that are going to affect me in a positive way. I need to do what is best for me and my anxiety. I need to find a way to be happy again and to see the happiness in everything around me. I want to be excited about my future again, because I have a very exciting future.

“Many people spend a lot of time thinking about the past or the future — a thinking process called ruminating. If you consistently make it a habit, it becomes a loop — and prevents you from living in the moment.”

For once in my life, I have to live day by day. I have to look at today and just focus on one day at a time. I have always lived one step ahead or too many steps behind. I need to live in the moment. I need to look at today for what it is and not stress about the future or how it will or could affect me. I need to not look at everything that has already happened in the past and let it cause me anxiety. Because it has already happened and there is literally nothing that I can do to change the past (not until someone invents a time machine and even then, it’ll probably cost more money than I will have on a teacher’s salary). Taking it one day at a time means not asking too much of yourself, or neglecting your own needs. It means recognizing the difference between what if and what is (I would love to take credit for this but it was in the article I found). I need to CHOOSE to focus on the happy moments in my life and right now, there are very little happy moments. But that means I need to create more happy moments.

Like today, I went out and saw my friend’s show and he performed amazingly and I got to see him when I haven’t see him in over a year. And I had a great time. I am going to another friend’s choir concert in a few days and I know that is going to be amazing and I can’t wait to see her either.

Creating happy moments in life is hard for me. I have social anxiety along with just normal anxiety, so I would really rather spend my time at home, but maybe it is time to get out of my comfort zone and push myself to be a little bit more extroverted. Everything is easier said than done. And naturally there are going to be hard days, and really hard days, and easier days. But I have to move on. I have to. I have to stop putting hope in things that are never going to happen. I have to stop dwelling on the past. Whatever happens is going to happen and stressing about it now does nothing and it defiantly doesn’t help me.

Anyways, those are my two cents.

“Live long and prosper.”

Spock (Leonard Nimoy)

Link to article

https://www.theladders.com/career-advice/learning-to-live-one-day-at-a-time-eliminates-anxieties-about-yesterday

2 months later

“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”

Kahlil Gibran

Things are always so much easier when they fizzle out and no one gets hurt. Like when you have a friend that you are close to but then over the years you slowly stop being friends. No one gets hurt. There’s no bad blood. Everyone is fine.

It worse when you don’t expect it. When you are telling each other “I love you more than anything.” “You are my person.” and talking about how you would decorate your house and what types of pets you will have and then the next day it’s all over.

2 months ago I went through a breakup. I had my heart broken and for the first time since I was a child, I crawled into my parents bed and let them hold me as I sobbed. I had not at all been expecting a breakup. I was imagining that we would find a solution and that we would be able to work on it. I had put my whole heart into this relationship. I had a hypothetical plan in my head of how our future would look. I was 1000% expecting challenges. But I wanted to do that with him. He made me believe in love.

But this is less so about him and more so about what heartbreak looks like in different people.

People never react to anything the same way and I’ve been wondering about this a lot lately. I did a lot of reading about why people react different, some of these answers revolved around rejection, insecurities, and anxiety.

“For some people, their answers made it clear that the rejection had come to define them—they assumed that their former partners had discovered something truly undesirable about them. For example, one person wrote: ‘Things were going well when all of a sudden he stopped talking to me. I have no idea why, but I think he saw that I was too clingy and this scared him away.'”

I tried so hard to not let my anxiety get the best of me. I tried so hard to not let my mind fool me into letting my insecurities get the best of me. And yet, at some point after the breakup, I had thought of every single reason why maybe it didn’t work out. And every insecurity that I tried not to let affect me, eventually affected me. Even the stupid ones like maybe I wasn’t tall enough. I didn’t think it was funny when I was bawling my eyes out, but I did end up laughing at that one a few days later. There were lots of questions too. Why wasn’t I good enough? Why wasn’t I worth fighting for? And questions like those, plague my mind ever single day. And I’ll never have those answers. But what I am learning every single day about myself is that I don’t need to know those answers to move on.

My brother, who has a lot more self confidence than I do, is taking his breakup differently than I am. I don’t know all of his thoughts. I only know what I have been seeing as far as how he is dealing with his breakup. There are things that we had in common, like the different emotions we are going though. When I was talking to him about his breakup, I mentioned that it seemed like he was born with healthy coping mechanisms. I am envious of how he seems to be processing his breakup. I don’t know what goes on in his head, so maybe I am wrong, but it looks like he is going to be ok. Probably soon, I’m not sure. I’m proud of him.

“In our research, people reported the most prolonged distress after a romantic rejection when it caused their self-image to change for the worse. People who agreed that the rejection made them question who they really were also reported more often that they were still upset when they thought about the person who had rejected them. Pain lingered from rejections that had occurred even years before. Writing about what they took away from the rejection, one study participant said: ‘Lots of emotional pain. Sometimes it keeps me awake at night … It’s been 10 years and the pain hasn’t gone away.’ If rejection seems to reveal a new, negative truth about a person, it becomes a heavier, more painful burden.”

For me, I would say that it is less so an issue of finding who I am, because I would say that I am comfortable and confident in knowing who I am as a person. I know who I am and what I want to do with my life and I am making progress towards my career. The issue lies in wanting to be a different, better version of me. I want to be the best me that I can be. I want to be someone that my past self can look up to and be proud of. But the one part of me that I don’t know is the part of me that has no idea how to not be in love with him. Because since I was 12 or 13 years old, I had the biggest crush on this kid that was so nice and wore fedoras and was shorter than me. And we were close friends as we grew up and he saw me through all of my embarrassing stages of life, and I saw all of his awkward stages. All the way until we were semi-confident adults that fell in love and had this epic love story. And part of me has a really hard time letting that go. Another part of me is scared that I won’t be able to move on. And another part of me is so so scared that no one will love me again.

Getting broken up with hurts. The days that you spend wondering what could have or should have happened differently, or the days you spend hoping and praying that it is all just a bad dream and you’ll wake up and it won’t be true. He was my safe space, the person that I could talk to about anything. And you don’t just lose a significant other. You lose their family, at least you do if the person that you date has a good relationship with their family. You have everything one day, all of your needs being met, and then the next day, you have nothing, none of your needs being met. There are days that are so hard – days where you aren’t sure you can get out of bed, where all you can do is cry, and you can only think of the past and how much you miss that person. And then there are days where you don’t even give them a second thought and you spend time with friends or with family and you forget what it is like to be hurt.

I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my relationship and working through the hurt, and the fears, and everything that comes with trying to un-love someone, especially someone who doesn’t love you back anymore. I am proud of the progress that I have made. And I am really proud of myself for working on myself. I wish that I had taken initiative sooner to find a therapist and work on myself sooner. But I can’t think about the what ifs. I don’t have a time machine. I don’t have any sort of way to change the past. I can’t spend my time wondering about how I could have fixed everything.

There are days that are harder than others and there are days that are easier than others. But the number of days that I wish I could just be moved on already happen on both the good and bad days. People deal with things differently. The ways that people handle things and their emotions are based on a number of factors like the different ways that people were raised, or whether or not they have anxiety, or depression, whether or not they have gone to therapy before. I could go on, but you get the point. People’s brains are wired differently. Even after 21 years of being on this earth, I am finding out that there are things about myself that I didn’t know, especially in terms of how I react to situations around me. I’ve gone to church since I was born. I’ve been going to Impact, which is now Converge for my whole life. It is a place that I feel comfortable in and a place that I love. Unfortunately, it is no longer a place that I feel entirely comfortable in. Not when he is there. It hurts too much. So now I am forced to choose – do I keep going to this church that I love, the church that I believe in? Or do I try somewhere new?

“One strategy for making breakups a little easier, then, might be to consciously consider the narratives we create about the experience. A person might think: I was bad at communicating in the relationship; I guess I just can’t open up to people. Another story might be: I was bad at communicating in the relationship, but that’s something that I can work on, and future relationships will be better. Maybe a healthy habit of questioning our own narratives can help us to make better ones—stories that promote resilience in the face of pain.”

And if there is one really really important thing that I have learned from this breakup, it is that you need to express your emotions and you shouldn’t let other people try to tell you that just because you are expressing yourself, that it means you are unstable. You are expressing your emotions in the only way you know how to, and that’s ok. The very first thing you talk about in therapy is your personal rights, your motivations of self, and the motivations of others. One of the things on that list is, “I respond to any situation in my own unique way based on my background and prior experiences.” Make sure you have a support system and people who love you. Make sure that you get out of the house and experience new things. Don’t dwell too much on the past (this is so much easier said than done). Do not move on with someone else too fast. You need time to process not only your emotions but the relationship (If it was a good relationship, maybe wonder why it ended, or if it should have ended). Plus, moving on too quickly is both disrespectful to your ex-relationship and to yourself. It’ll only end up hurting everyone involved. Prioritize yourself and self-care and your mental health. You come first, make sure of that. Give yourself time to get over this and to move on from them and to move through the situation. Grief is a complicated emotion and it takes time to move on. Don’t try to rush through what you are feeling. Don’t tell yourself you are ok if you are not ok. It’s ok not to be ok.

“If there are lessons to take away about yourself or the relationship more broadly, give yourself time to understand them.”

And to anyone who is going through something, no matter what it is, you’re doing great. Just be patient with yourself and you’ll get through this. I wish I would take my own advice but at least if I don’t someone else might. You can’t control what other people say, do, or think. And that sucks. But it’s time to not let that matter to you. Because you can’t control that. And that’s something I have had to learn. I can’t control other people and what they say, do, or think.

I’m trying. I’m learning. It takes time. And it takes practice. Just take a deep breath. We will get through this. Years from now, we’ll look back and smile at all the progress that we made. It’s going to be ok…

We are going to be ok…

You are going to be ok…

I am going to be ok…

Links to articles if you want to read them

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/01/romantic-rejection-and-the-self-deprecation-trap/424842/

https://jedfoundation.org/resource/the-painful-truth-about-breakups/

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/this_is_your_brain_on_heartbreak

A Story of Courage

Imagine this: you are 13 years old. It’s early in the morning but you wake up, remembering that you live in Hawaii. So you and your best friend go out to the ocean where the waves are crashing against rocks and beach. It’s a perfect day to go surfing.

You’re out in the middle of the ocean, waiting for that perfect wave. Both your arms and legs are hanging off the board. You had only been in the water for about half an hour when you saw a flash of gray swimming around you.

You didn’t feel any pain, only slight pressure and a little tugging before it was over seconds later. All the water around you turns red as you go numb, slowly swimming towards the shore with one arm.

Bethany Hamilton was 13 years old when she got her arm bit off by a tiger shark.

A shark ate her arm…

When I was 13, my biggest challenge was not realizing how horrible my fashion sense was. I mean, I wore neon tights with a tutu and a long sleeve shirt. And that was on a good day.

But when Bethany Hamilton was 13, she was just starting her career as an amateur – pro-surfer. She had just started working with Rip Curl and was number 1 in multiple surf competitions. And then her life changed when that shark bit off her left arm.

Can you imagine living without your left arm? After I watched her movie “Soul Surfer” and read the book, I tried to do everything that day without using my left arm. I gave up after an hour.

But she didn’t give up.

Two days after her surgery, she was already wondering how and when she was going to get back into the water.

And eventually, she did. She got back into the water and started surfing again. Because she was sure that surfing is what she was meant to do. Sure she had to make some changes to how she was able to surf with only one arm, but she did it.

And after she got the hang of the new surfing technique, she was back on top.

There are important lessons that can be learned here. Lessons that can affect everyone.

  1. Anyone can do anything. She teaches young girls that they can do anything they set their minds to. She teaches disabled kids that they can accomplish anything, despite their disabilities.
  2. If you love something, you’ll always find a way to have that in your life. If you love something, hold onto that for your life. Chase after your dreams and never give up on it.
  3. If you fall, get back up again. If you fail, work twice as hard to get that A. If you don’t think you can do it, you’re wrong. You can do it. You just have to set your mind to it.

“Courage doesn’t mean you don’t get afraid. Courage means you don’t let fear stop you.”

Bethany Hamilton

Georgia McMorris

Wallflowers and Self-Love

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”

Stephen Chbosky (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

Self-love is something we all struggle with at least every once in a while. For others, it’s more. I know I struggle with it everyday. But here’s the thing about self-love: if you don’t learn to love and appreciate yourself, it will hurt you much more in the long run.

I’m assuming many of you, or at least some of you have read/watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower. If you haven’t, go do so. It is on Netflix and I’m sure you can borrow the book from a local library or something like that.

Anyways, the sister in the book/movie is dating this guy and when she doesn’t have sex with him, he hits her. There’s another character who is gay and his boyfriend isn’t out of the closet yet, so he bullies his boyfriend in front of his popular jock friends to keep up with his straight image. And then there’s the main character, who deals with depression and he dates a girl he doesn’t really like because he thinks the girl he is in love with it out of his reach.

Since when have we told ourselves that someone else is ‘out of our limits’? Since when do we have limits? If we don’t start looking at ourselves in a more positive light, then none of us will ever be enough for someone else, or more importantly; we won’t be enough for ourselves.

We are all beautiful/handsome.

We are all deserving of someone’s love.

We are all worth it.

And on a scale from 1-10, we are all 10s.

Don’t let someone else bring you down. We all need to stop comparing ourselves to Kylie Jenner or Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson. They are great and amazing, but so are we. Don’t let society’s idea of beauty affect what you define as beauty. Because even though I may never have met you, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Let me get back to the point I was trying to make earlier. “We accept the love we think we deserve.” So if you don’t think you deserve love, than you are going to end up in an unhappy relationship. If you love yourself and know you deserve better, then don’t settle. Don’t ever settle.

So love yourself and make sure that you always come first. Don’t let anybody (and yes this includes yourself) tell you that you aren’t worth it, that you aren’t beautiful, that you’re feelings are valid, etc. Because none of that is true. You’re worth everything. You deserve the best type of love.

And if you never find that epic love, don’t worry about it. Because this isn’t some old school Disney movie where you need to find a significant other to make you happy. Create your own happy ending. But always make sure that you love yourself. Because you are worth it. And you always will be.

Georgia

When Life Gives You Lemons…

“I realize now that dying is easy. Living is hard.”

Gayle Forman

I had a conversation with someone the other day and for some reason, it really stuck with me.

I was watching a movie and there was a scene where this girl’s dad threw her out of the house because she was Christian and their family was Muslim. And my friend said that she was lucky that he didn’t kill her because that is how things work in other religions/cultures.

But I thought the opposite and this was the quote that came to mind. Because she isn’t lucky that she is still alive. And I’m not trying to be insensitive, but it is the truth. In this world, dying is the easy way out. When you die, that’s the end of all of it. It’s the end of the pain and suffering that some people deal with on a daily basis.

Living is harder. That girl in the movie has to continue to live her life knowing that her family will probably never speak to her again. She has to continue on with her life knowing that she doesn’t have any family left. She was kicked out of her house and she has nowhere to go.

So, yes. In my personal opinion, dying is the easy option. Dying is the quick way out. Living is harder. Living is much harder.

But isn’t it worth it?

Isn’t it worth it when you get to make memories, have friends, do what you want to do in life, and hopefully, despite the hardships and pain, have some fun or worthwhile moments in life?

Georgia